Baked Kookies: September 2008

Five years ago today....

September 17, 2003 is a day that I, or my family, will never forget….

It’s hard to believe it’s been five years since the car wreck and our sweet little JaCee was taken home into the loving arms of Heavenly Father..

I will never say that losing someone is easy, and when it is a child it is unbearable…

*news article about the wreck*
(They called Roy, Ron... but that's ok)

Over the years we have had so much support from our family, friends and complete strangers…

A few months after the car wreck we got a call from my Uncle, Jay telling us he had a surprise for us. At the time, I didn’t think there was anything that could cheer us up or even if I wanted “cheering up”.. When we arrived at his home he walked us to the living room and this is what was sitting on the couch…..

This is an amazing Charcoal that a woman in his Ward created for us during Conference that October. She didn’t know us and told my Uncle not to tell us who she is. We still don’t know who she is. This is an item that I will cherish forever made by a stranger..

I was told that when the police and emergency vehicles reached the scene and found that it was a little girl involved they got on their radios and said a prayer for our JaCee.

It is so important to drive safely, legal, and obey the traffic laws. You never know how your actions can change someone's life forever. Please help to achieve ZERO FATALITLIES.

I want to share the letter I wrote to JaCee that was read at her funeral:

Dear JaCee,
I remember when they placed you in my arms for the very first time. You were so sweet and innocent. My heart was filled with joy I had never felt before. I never wanted to let you go. I couldn’t bare to let them take you in the nursery. So they let me keep you in the room with me.

When we were able to take you home. I had so much fun dressing you in all the different little outfits.

You were dressed in white on your blessing day. Your daddy was glowing with pride and happiness as he held you and gave you a wonderful blessing and name, “JaCee Leigh Hathaway”. So many people came to share in the blessed event.

Your first year was a busy one. The demand was high. You were worth every minute. I had to buy a baby backpack just so I could wash the dishes because you didn’t want me to put you down. To tell you the truth, I didn’t want to put you down.

You wanted to taste everything. No matter what it was, if it was in your hands, it was only a matter of time when it was in your mouth.

When you started to talk you called me, “Carrie” and Daddy, “Roy”.

As you grew I realized how beautiful and loving you were becoming. I didn’t know how much you watched and imitated everything we did. Until, one day you burst out with “Holy How!” (in translation “Holy Cow”). We laughed so hard. Of course, after that you said it all the time.

By the age of two you knew how to work the VCR perfectly. You were intrigued with all the Disney movies and wanted to be all the beautiful princesses in them. No matter what day of the week, you could always be found in a leotard and tutu or a “dress-up” of your favorite Fairy Tale princess for the day.

Yet, you were always on the look out for Wildlife like fish, deer, Grizzly Bears, and “Grizzly Elk”. You could spot them from a mile away. I think your perfect outing would be hiking up a hill in a tutu and princess shoes hunting “ Grizzly Elk”.

I loved watching you play. You named all your dollies. You would take great care in dressing and handling them. You spoke to them in a soft voice and cooed them to sleep. You would have made a wonderful mother.

I’m going to miss the bouquets of dandelions and petunias. Pockets filled with flowers, sticks and buttons. Coloring books and paints strung all over the kitchen countertops. Tripping over Barbies and stumbling over books. I’m going to miss the mud in the tub after an afternoon of playing in the sand making Grand castles fit for a Queen.

We found a box Saturday filled with some of your little treasures. There were crayons in a binky box, combs, Cheetos, a video and other things. It reminded me of the many times you were carrying a grocery bag filled with baggies full of different items like a Jello box, flowers, and popscicle sticks. Each item would have it’s own baggy.

You loved swimming in Bear Lake, Dancing in front of the mirror, and standing in the wind. Your favorite color was purple and your favorite food was pizza.

Music was important to you. From a very young age you loved to sing in the Karaoke with you Daddy. You knew every word to songs from “I love to see the Temple”, to “Tiny Bubbles”. You always had a song on your lips while doing different tasks around the house.

You were insistent on making your own peanut butter sandwiches. I would find bread and peanut butter all over the counter and you and Tate sitting at the table with the sandwiches eating contently.

You were so independent. You wanted to do everything on your own. I remember the time just last month. Tate was trying to climb in his highchair and fell and hit his nose. I was downstairs doing laundry and you came down the stairs and said, “Mom, I need your help. I can’t do this alone”. I followed you upstairs and the scene was of Tate sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor with a bloody nose, the First Aide kit was sitting next to him with its contents emptied on the floor and gauze pads peppered across his lap. He wasn’t crying but it was a sight I will never forget. You were going to try and take care of the situation before you would ever ask anyone for help.

You were starting to find Tate as a friend and playmate. Instead of pushing him away you started to teach him and show him how to be in your world. I caught you on more than one occasion trying to teach him how to say different words or teaching him the names of all your dollies. He misses you already and asked for you yesterday. In his limited vocabulary he said, “I want JaCee”. He loves you so much and looks up to you, his big sister.

When daddy was home you were with him. When he wasn’t you were asking where he was. You two were so close. On any given Saturday you guys could be found downstairs in the living room. Daddy lying down on the floor and your head propped up on his belly watching cartoons, giggling and laughing the while time. If daddy had yard work to do, you were out there with him. If he had to go to the store, you were at the store with him. So many times you two would go to the store for milk and came back with bags of toys, candy and Rapunzel Fruit Snacks. He spoiled you rotten and you loved every minute of it. You are Daddy’s little girl.

There was another man in your life, a little older and a little grumpier. You stole his heart from the moment you were born. Whenever we were at Grandpa’s house I never saw you. You were always with him. You were inseparable. You liked making pizza together getting sauce and cheese all over the place. No matter what you did it was always “OK” in Grandpa’s eyes. I could see the way you put a sparkle in his eye whenever you came in the room. You connected with him and he with you.

You were always ready for the trip to Aunt Shannon’s house. She always had toys and lots of children to play with. She treated you like one of her own. You couldn’t arrive without a hug or leave without a kiss from aunt Shannon. She let you explore, play and ransack her beautiful home saying, “kids will be kids”. She loves you very much.

I know you love to be with your family and extended family very much. You loved the annual trip to Wyoming for the family reunion, where you could run around and play with your cousins and eat food.

Easter and Christmas we would go to aunt Denise’s and ride horses (your favorite) and exchange presents and eat lots of food.

JaCee I want you to know that I love you very much and I am going to miss you immensely. I’m going to miss the way you always had a “squeeze kiss” for me or when you would gently touch my cheek and say, “I love you more”. I’m going to miss birthdays, first day of school, and graduation. I don’t think I have even begun to imagine the things I am going to miss. You are a beautiful, courageous, and smart little girl. You were such an example in your short little life. You loved going to church and seeing the Temple. You would always want to go there so we could sing the song, “I Love To See The Temple”. I know that I will see you again and I can’t wait for that day to come. I have a few more things to do down here before I am ready. I thank Heavenly Father for the four wonderful years I had with you. I wouldn’t trade them for anything.

We are sending Charlie (your favorite stuffed animal dog) with you,

along with a charm bracelet with all of your favorite things on it; planes, dolls, horses, elk, bears, pizza slice, kitty, dog, Bambi, and others. Grandpa wanted you to have a special little trinket and grandma a book.

So many people have come by the house to drop off flowers for you. You would have loved them.

I already miss you “Sweetie Girl”. Until I see you again. I will always love you. You are my favorite girl.

Love, Mommy

Brindy and JaCee